It’s Cold!!!

Not much goes on each day that doesn’t make me think of Ken – from the time I get up until I go to sleep. On a great night, I dream of him. So, my life is pretty much spent thinking of Ken most of the time. And frankly – I hope that doesn’t ever change. I truly dread the day when I go all day and don’t think of him. It will happen – I just don’t want it to.

Today I wrapped some Christmas gifts. That meant I had to locate the tags that were out in the cottage in storage – along with a lot of other Christmas stuff. I use the term cottage lightly – it’s a goal, not a reality at this point. As I was filling out tags – I had to stop and think to just write “Linda” or “Mom”. Ken was always a part of that.

Anyway – when I was going through the tags I ran across a couple I’d saved that Ken had written to me. It’s that kind of thing that stops my day for awhile.

Christmas cards have started to arrive and I miss the “Mr. & Mrs. Ken Kline” in the address. I miss that soooooo much. And I miss reading the cards together. I’ve decided not to send Christmas cards this year. I just can’t do it. I need a year of just signing my name to different things to get ready for the reality of Christmas cards without Ken.

And then the cold. Ken would always go out and start the car up to get it warm for me or us if we were going out together. And if we were going together to church or dinner or shopping he’d always drop me off so I wouldn’t have to walk through the cold. Now I find myself looking out at my car and just not wanting to go out. Fourteen degrees with windchill would be stay at home weather for all of us even if he was still alive.

This being alone thing really stinks.