Firsts and Lasts

I’ve spent some time lately thinking about how the first times and the last times really stick in my memory – more than the times
in between – unless they are big events, of course ☺.

But I remember the first Thanksgiving without my mother’s presence. The first Christmas, the last. The boy’s first birthdays, first Thanksgivings, first Christmas’, first day of school – all of them are vivid memories (aided by photos I have to admit).

But the “last times” have been few. We usually don’t know it’s going to be the last time unless we are moving away or someone is dying around the time of the event. We just don’t know.

Thanksgiving 2012 was, obviously, our last Thanksgiving with Ken. Ken, Adam and I drove up to Scott & Tricia’s for a long weekend and had a great time. We laughed a lot, played games. This Thanksgiving was our first without him.

I’m just grateful I always told Ken how I felt about him, who he was, what he’d accomplished while he was alive. I’ve mentioned this before but it’s something I learned from my mother’s sudden death. Always tell people how you feel about them (if it’s good ☺) and if they are someone you love – never let a conversation close without an “I love you”. If the Lord should take me suddenly I want the last words I spoke to those I love to be “I love you” – I want that to be what they remember. I know it’s difficult for some people to say it back and I get that.

As I get closer to this Christmas Day I find that I’m having trouble remembering last Christmas. It was just Ken, Adam and me. We did our Christmas Eve tradition of lunch with our friends. I’m sure we had Papa Murphy’s pizza for dinner. We always open presents Christmas morning but I don’t remember what I gave or what I received. I’m hoping Adam remembers better because I’d really like to have that memory back. Our Christmases were pretty much the same each year so they are easy to blend all together.

I did try to watch the Hallmark Christmas movie but had to stop. Why is it so many stories involve cancer and death? So, I’ve taped some Lifetime Christmas movies where the girl falls in love with Santa’s son and craziness follows. Much easier on the tear ducts.

This day’s ramblings are finished. I had a point but I think it got lost somewhere between my brain and my fingers.